Gangs distinguish themselves by their “colors,” which represent their neighborhood. The Crips, a black gang in L.A., wear blue or black or a combination of the two. Their archrivals, the Bloods, wear red. The Latin Kings wear black and gold. Ball caps and bandanas are also used to identify themselves.

But if your kid is wearing a handkerchief out of a back pocket or a generic ball cap that’s not representing a team from a major sport or a college football or basketball team, that could be a sign that he’s flashing his colors or at least sympathetic to a local gang.

You also need to be aware of what your teens are saying on their Facebook page, Instagram, and Twitter accounts. Social media is what many today use to declare themselves gang members or sympathetic loyalties to a certain gang.

I think it’s a good idea to “scare them straight.” Share this book with your children if it’s age appropriate. Let them see that becoming involved in a gang almost always results in one of two things: death or incarceration.

Even if you don’t get killed, being locked up with other gang members is far from being a Sunday picnic. I came very close to being killed in prison. Living in fear for my life was a horrible existence. Show them how being involved with a gang will ruin their future and likely result in their destruction.

Your children need you to be a role model—a good role model. It’s unbelievable how easily they are influenced. Kids are going to look to someone for guidance and advice and will make decisions based on what they think their role models would do.

If you talk about the importance of God in your life but rarely take the family to church, then your kids aren’t going to believe you when you say you’re a Christian. If you warn them about the dangers of drinking but are knocking down the beers during the football game, then they’re going to be naturally skeptical that you really mean what you say.

They say that values are “caught” rather than “taught.” Let your kids catch you reading your Bible when they come out of their bedrooms in the morning. Let them catch you leaving the house early to attend an early morning Bible study. If your faith journey is still a work in progress, let your kids know that you have questions and are still figuring things out. That’s okay as well. They will see that you’re being transparent and don’t have all the answers.

If you’re not around your kids, you can’t be much of a role model. If you’re not getting home until 7:30 or eight o’clock, their day is almost over. About all you can do is tuck them into bed.

I understand how companies are demanding more of their employees, including the hours they put into their jobs. But the best hours of the day for you—the parent—is from five o’clock in the afternoon until they go to bed. That’s the sweet spot.

I understand how fractured the family is today. Single-parent moms not only have to earn enough money to pay for the basics (food, shelter, and transportation), but they have to be there for the kids as much as possible.

It’s hard for a young mother to raise a man. Having a male presence in the home is not always possible due to divorce, disengagement, or disappearance, but this is where grandfathers and uncles can play a role, as well as male teachers and youth pastors.

Single-parent moms need to call in the reserves because of how difficult they have it when it comes to raising children. After-school programs, church youth groups, and sports leagues are great places to start.

If you live in an area where buildings and fences are “tagged”—or if your home is hit—then doing the graffiti cleanup yourself will be an object lesson of how gang-related graffiti and claiming a neighborhood isn’t cool. Perhaps if your teens participate in a neighborhood clean-up campaign with you, they will see how important it is to fight graffiti, which is used by gangs to mark their turf, advertise themselves, or claim credit for a crime.

One of the best ways to stay in touch with your teen is to cheer them on if they are playing a sport or participate with them in one of their hobbies. If your teens sense that you, as the parent, is the source of love, guidance, and protection in their lives, they won’t go looking for these basic needs from a gang.

It’s amazing in how many young people, especially in the inner city, are told that it’s not cool to study, not cool to get good grades, and not cool to get a good education. Yet everyone knows that strong study habits and a good education will take your kids places and are directly related to a young person’s development. Make education a priority in your home.

All I have to do is look at myself and understand that anybody can be saved from the gang life. It starts with prayer—prayer that he will find Jesus (or come back to Him), make a U-turn, repent of his sins, leave the gang, and rebuild his life.

Teens generally won’t leave a gang for their parents or because society tells them it’s the right thing to do. Leaving a gang starts with a change of heart.

God is the one who can start all that. Ask Him to give your child no desire to be in a gang or get within hailing distance of a gang member.